our new niece

Meet Jael Ayn, our new niece! Drew's sister, Laura, gave birth to her at home on March 6 at 6:08 a.m. She weighed 8 lbs. 10.5 oz and was 20.5" long. She joins her dad, Dwayne, and her two brothers, Jason age 4 and Judah age 2. After three nephews, she's our first niece!! We're so excited! She resembles her brothers but definitely looks like a girl--maybe it's the chubby cheeks?? :)
I was there for her birth and it was amazing!! Such a miracle!! Here she is, merely minutes old.

Here she is closer up, trying to open her eyes.

This is Jason--also there for the birth--and the proud (and relieved) Mama.

And this is Jael, getting her first diaper change. Isn't she gorgeous?? All plump and pink!! I love it! I love HER already!!

Congrats, Gradins!!

TOO much to think about??

I figure we started "sort of trying" to get pregnant around Christmas of 2004, which means I've been operating in a "Mom state of mind" for almost three years now. Do you realize the bazillion decisions you have to make in the best interest of your child when you bring a child into the world?? It starts with what to eat during pregnancy, who to use for your pre-natal care, where to give birth, which childbirth method to use, what to register for, etc. I spent hours registering for the best cloth diapers, slings, organic clothes...and the list goes on.
Toward the end of pregnancy, you have to decide on issues like where the baby will sleep, nursing, circumcision, a night-time parenting philosophy...
Then the baby actually arrives. Within the first year, you're faced with a whole new world of questions, concerns and challenges! There's whether to let your child watch TV, sleeping issues, discipline, what the child can and can't eat, immunizations, in-laws and grandparents, germs, developmentally appropriate toys...ARRRGH!
I've laid awake many nights thinking through my own childhood experiences with corporal punishment, nightmares, public school, family vacations, church...and I've spent countless hours reading and researching issues like breastfeeding, spanking, infant sleep solutions, nutrition, SIDS...you name it.
I consider what the Bible says...what my parents did right and wrong...what I've seen in my many years of working with preschoolers...stories and advice I hear from other moms I respect, and those I don't...what I hear in the media and what I DON'T hear in the mainstream media and have to research myself. It's like a second job!
If you know me well, you know I don't really "do normal." My philosophy on most of the pregnancy/childbirth/baby-related issues is "If everyone else is doing it, I probably shouldn't." I definitely don't follow the status quo. Sometimes it's lonely, too.
Here's my point. Mothering is just one small aspect of life (albeit a HUGE aspect) and one that's a top priority at the moment. I feel like I stay on top of it pretty well and advocate for the things I believe in strongly. I wish I could do more, especially in educating women on the choices available to them and empowering them to stand up for themselves. But now I'm realizing that I've only seen the tip of the ice berg. I had a mom comment on a past post that directed me to her blogs and her web site and...WOW. There's more to this that even I realize. There's a lot of politics involved--human rights, women's rights, what role the government plays--and questions about how we (meaning those of us who advocate for the issues we believe strongly in) CAN spread the word and make a difference without turning moms off, overstepping boundaries or just being offensive.
I felt like I was on top of things, AT LEAST in the realm of new motherhood!! Even if I was clueless about pop culture, politics, current events, etc...at least I felt like I was OK with most of the "mom stuff."
No more. There's much to be done and I'm not doing enough. I feel like "With greater knowledge comes greater responsibility." I know stuff. I've experienced stuff! And I've done my homework. So I'm responsible for passing my knowledge on and for helping other women walk the journey. The other interesting thing is that I sometimes assume that women who are "into" the same things I am--whether it's extended nursing, home births, not immunizing, whatever--also believe the same things I do or have the same religious views that I have! It's ridiculous, of course, but I still find myself doing it.
This woman who posted listed "Sicko" and "Fahrenheit 9/11" as two of her favorite movies!! YIKES!! Probably not on the same page with a lot of stuff!! Not all hard-core nursing moms are liberals or feminists, folks!! But I know that's a perception that's prevalent out there.
So...now I'm more resolved than ever to find a couple of things I really believe in and are passionate about and find women who need to or want to be educated in those areas. Fertility awareness, home births, breastfeeding, grace-based discipline...I'm not sure which ones. BUT, I do know that I WILL present it from MY unique perspective as a CHRISTIAN, Bible-believing, Christ-loving woman, no apologies. And I will teach my classes in hip clothes and sparkly jewelry, not barefoot in a mu mu with hair to my waist. And I will have the guts to ask, "Do you have any idea what you're doing to your child?? Do you actually use your brain??" Well, OK, maybe in a nicer way, but still. In other words, I'd like to break through some of the stereotypes and maybe attract a "new breed" of women. There's a lot of people spouting off about their beliefs, most of them not nearly as important as raising kids.
My point is this. Only I can be me. And the world needs me. The issues I've mentioned here matter to me. And they need to be addressed. I need to get to work. I may not be able to stay on top of all the other issues out there...but that's OK. The issues I'm tackling are complicated enough!!! I don't need more to think about!! So stay tuned.

Blessingways

Whether you're expecting a baby or planning to throw a baby shower for someone special, I hope you'll consider this baby shower alternative: The Blessingway. The book my mother and I used can be found at Amazon.com, just search for "Blessingways: A Guide to Mother-Centered Baby Showers--Celebrating Pregnancy, Birth, and Motherhood" by Shari Maser. We first got the idea from an issue of Mothering magazine, which suggested a "shower" focused on blessing the mother-to-be and celebrating her transition into motherhood. It IS a big deal, becoming someone's mother...yet traditional baby showers, with their silly games and an hour spent opening a huge pile of presents sort of misses the point. Yes, the mother-to-be may come away with some useful "stuff" but little else.
For me, I was planning a home birth so besides empowering me for a drug-free birth without intervention, my mom and I also thought it was important to hold the Blessingway in my home so we could bless the place of birth as well.
It is recommended that the Blessingway be held as close to the due date as possible, just so the mother is more likely to carry the feelings of peace and empowerment with her to the birth. I was due November 20 but we chose a Saturday at the end of October because the first part of November was a scheduling nightmare. Since the date didn't hold any significance, we chose to begin at 11:11am because the number 11 DOES hold a special significance in our family. In fact, my dear friend (who "gets" the 11 thing) arrived at 11:11 on the dot!
Anyway, all I had to do was show up...my mom and sister-in-law took care of the rest. The book emphasizes making the Blessingway what the mother-to-be needs it to be, so each one will be very different.
My main objectives were these:
1. for me to experience a time of relaxation and pampering
2. to honor the mothers that had given birth before me, both in my family lineage and in the history of all mankind
3. to empower me to give birth naturally
4. to pray for a safe labor and delivery
5. to honor the transition from woman to mother
Those who were invited were carefully chosen based on who were already my most supportive friends and family and those I knew would be present in my child's life. I wanted the women there to understand why the Blessingway was important to me and to be in support of my decision to have a home birth. Having that like-mindedness meant a lot to me.
On the day on the event, I was presented with a floral head wreath to wear, as well as a blouse that my grandmother in Florida had embroidered for the occasion. My sister-in-law braided my hair for me and my mother gave me a pedicure and painted my fingernails and toenails while I relaxed in a rocker that had belonged to my mother's mother's mother. My dear friend even fed me grapes!
After the pampering, we all sat in a circle on the floor and each woman recited the names of her female relatives, as far back as she knew. Then each woman presented me with beads she had chosen for my birth bracelet, and told why she'd chosen the beads and what they represented. I did indeed wear the bracelet during my labor and birth--you can see it in the pictures! Those who couldn't attend had sent beads and a note, which my mom read. My grandmother had even written a poem!
The bracelet wasn't meant to be "magical" or anything...it was just a tangible reminder of the love and support of my family and friends. I had to take it off right before the birth (that's a whole other story) but as soon as I could, I asked to put it back on. It made me smile. I still have it and plan to keep it forever and possilby pass it on to my daughter someday for when she births her child.
One nice touch was that we purchased red candles and glass candle holders. I believe the red signified strength. We lit each one, along with candles on a cake and sang "Happy Birth-day" before blowing them out. The candles were then distributed to everyone, and shipped to my out-of-town friends and family, and they were asked to light them and pray for me when they got "the call" that I was in labor. One of my friends wasn't updated until well into the day after my son was born, and had let her candle burn all night! She said she prayed all night, too!
I'd have to ask my mom for the agenda of the day to recount ALL the details...but I do remember that when everyone laid their hands on my belly to pray for the baby and I, he kicked around like crazy! It was a very moving moment, as if he was acknowledging their love and prayers. How sweet!
Afterward, we had a little tea party and just sat around and relaxed. I truly did feel more confident and restful after the Blessingway. Despite the birth being nearly the complete antithesis of what I'd hoped for or wanted, I felt very much at peace throughout the entire ordeal. I felt God's protection and presence and never felt worried or panicked. There were a lot of people praying for me! And I could imagine all those red candles burning and it did somehow give me the strength to survive another contraction!
As a final note, there's nothing, like, New-Agey about a Blessingway...it truly is what you make it. We chose to make it simply a celebration of my transition into the role of Mother, to enjoy the company of my favorite women and to pray for me and the baby. Mothers know...after the baby is born, it's all about the baby! So for one last, brief moment, it was all about ME. No baby gifts, no games...just a personal and moving celebration to mark the beginning of a new season.
Feel free to contact me if you need help planning your own Blessingway--I'd be blessed to do it! And so would you!