Blessingways

Whether you're expecting a baby or planning to throw a baby shower for someone special, I hope you'll consider this baby shower alternative: The Blessingway. The book my mother and I used can be found at Amazon.com, just search for "Blessingways: A Guide to Mother-Centered Baby Showers--Celebrating Pregnancy, Birth, and Motherhood" by Shari Maser. We first got the idea from an issue of Mothering magazine, which suggested a "shower" focused on blessing the mother-to-be and celebrating her transition into motherhood. It IS a big deal, becoming someone's mother...yet traditional baby showers, with their silly games and an hour spent opening a huge pile of presents sort of misses the point. Yes, the mother-to-be may come away with some useful "stuff" but little else.
For me, I was planning a home birth so besides empowering me for a drug-free birth without intervention, my mom and I also thought it was important to hold the Blessingway in my home so we could bless the place of birth as well.
It is recommended that the Blessingway be held as close to the due date as possible, just so the mother is more likely to carry the feelings of peace and empowerment with her to the birth. I was due November 20 but we chose a Saturday at the end of October because the first part of November was a scheduling nightmare. Since the date didn't hold any significance, we chose to begin at 11:11am because the number 11 DOES hold a special significance in our family. In fact, my dear friend (who "gets" the 11 thing) arrived at 11:11 on the dot!
Anyway, all I had to do was show up...my mom and sister-in-law took care of the rest. The book emphasizes making the Blessingway what the mother-to-be needs it to be, so each one will be very different.
My main objectives were these:
1. for me to experience a time of relaxation and pampering
2. to honor the mothers that had given birth before me, both in my family lineage and in the history of all mankind
3. to empower me to give birth naturally
4. to pray for a safe labor and delivery
5. to honor the transition from woman to mother
Those who were invited were carefully chosen based on who were already my most supportive friends and family and those I knew would be present in my child's life. I wanted the women there to understand why the Blessingway was important to me and to be in support of my decision to have a home birth. Having that like-mindedness meant a lot to me.
On the day on the event, I was presented with a floral head wreath to wear, as well as a blouse that my grandmother in Florida had embroidered for the occasion. My sister-in-law braided my hair for me and my mother gave me a pedicure and painted my fingernails and toenails while I relaxed in a rocker that had belonged to my mother's mother's mother. My dear friend even fed me grapes!
After the pampering, we all sat in a circle on the floor and each woman recited the names of her female relatives, as far back as she knew. Then each woman presented me with beads she had chosen for my birth bracelet, and told why she'd chosen the beads and what they represented. I did indeed wear the bracelet during my labor and birth--you can see it in the pictures! Those who couldn't attend had sent beads and a note, which my mom read. My grandmother had even written a poem!
The bracelet wasn't meant to be "magical" or anything...it was just a tangible reminder of the love and support of my family and friends. I had to take it off right before the birth (that's a whole other story) but as soon as I could, I asked to put it back on. It made me smile. I still have it and plan to keep it forever and possilby pass it on to my daughter someday for when she births her child.
One nice touch was that we purchased red candles and glass candle holders. I believe the red signified strength. We lit each one, along with candles on a cake and sang "Happy Birth-day" before blowing them out. The candles were then distributed to everyone, and shipped to my out-of-town friends and family, and they were asked to light them and pray for me when they got "the call" that I was in labor. One of my friends wasn't updated until well into the day after my son was born, and had let her candle burn all night! She said she prayed all night, too!
I'd have to ask my mom for the agenda of the day to recount ALL the details...but I do remember that when everyone laid their hands on my belly to pray for the baby and I, he kicked around like crazy! It was a very moving moment, as if he was acknowledging their love and prayers. How sweet!
Afterward, we had a little tea party and just sat around and relaxed. I truly did feel more confident and restful after the Blessingway. Despite the birth being nearly the complete antithesis of what I'd hoped for or wanted, I felt very much at peace throughout the entire ordeal. I felt God's protection and presence and never felt worried or panicked. There were a lot of people praying for me! And I could imagine all those red candles burning and it did somehow give me the strength to survive another contraction!
As a final note, there's nothing, like, New-Agey about a Blessingway...it truly is what you make it. We chose to make it simply a celebration of my transition into the role of Mother, to enjoy the company of my favorite women and to pray for me and the baby. Mothers know...after the baby is born, it's all about the baby! So for one last, brief moment, it was all about ME. No baby gifts, no games...just a personal and moving celebration to mark the beginning of a new season.
Feel free to contact me if you need help planning your own Blessingway--I'd be blessed to do it! And so would you!